i'm still here

by Christian Something

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i recorded this in 18 days.


released September 5, 2016



all rights reserved


Christian Something Richmond, Virginia

Christian Something, is an musician. Christian also founded the Richmond based arts collective, 'ice cream support group.

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Track Name: i. wander
wonder where the world went
sitting fuming hell bent,
not heaven sent
can't paid for that,
no check attached
reality no match for what my head hatched
didn't have a clue, dont know what to do
so I sit here and wonder
staring into space looking like a goner
friends are too lazy, acting real crazy
because you're no fun, the burden ways a ton
I got you, internalize you, and bore then you
didn't know I wasn't for them
just because they didn't like him
maybe cause of his skin
not feeling top 10
dreams of grandeur
maybe when I'm more mature
just like the movies
only things that move me
problem imma solve it, run away hobbit

I wander
and ponder
no longer
a bother
do wronger
go farther
no martyr
work smarter

throwing hands until that space ship lands
I'm getting far away from here trying not to be too near
the fear inside is eating me alive
not sure how long I can keep up this grind
talking like a dress rehearsal
selling it like a race commercial
save the space like a purse you'll
never understand
what happened to his hands
not even on demand
inclusion not a fan
left out in the sun, he got a bad tan
trying to find himself like lost mirror
always doubting himself paper clip error
scared of my bed, my mind might slip
moving on Day to day, hopefully he won't trip
moving on to next dream, hoping for a new team
wandering around might just seem
prone to fail one might deem
Track Name: ii. fear of failure
fear of failure got you hoping, never gloating, always choking
about the past and present with no future, ones or sevens
stress is big enough to lift
and tiny enough to ship
split it seven different ways,
that's a lot of varied pain
never one to have a fling
hoping God to make that ring
that won't make the birds sing
probably should catch a hint, praying won't pay no rent,
glasses a peculiar tint,
damn what the fuck I meant
this line don't make no sent

I don't wanna die right now
because I'm really afraid
more afraid of living life free without no aid
hoping my parents don't see my body before a maid
fear of failure got my mind in a state disarray

steering out the driveway I'm going the wrong way
monochrome lifestyle, the sky is mighty gray
the kid not working, much the dismay
they weren't born that way
they weren't born that way
new opportunity what am I supposed to say
no not actually black, I'll clean what you spray
do boats have autopilot
does the world have an edge
because I'll throw a party
and lean off the ledge

I don't wanna die right now
because I'm really afraid
more afraid of living life free without no aid
hoping my parents don't see my body before a maid
fear of failure got my mind in a state disarray

pretend I'm in one of those movies
tear jerking scenes that move me
the fantasy of infinite
and all those who benefit
a lifeline without a dent
a life living heaven sent
I hope I don't fail, I'm innocent
I hope I don't fail I'm ignorant
from where I'm standing, I see
fear of failure isnt new to me
cause death doesn't scare me anymore
because after death an artist is always getting green
Track Name: iii. piano song
I think I got it almost lost it
found it in a mosh pit
with all the fun kids
where all the funk is
I'm about to switch hands
now I'm left handed with no switch panic
everything is fine now
you don't have to cry now
time to move forward, try to go toward
the end goal, can't die dole
must be bold, before I get old
best story untold
is about to unfold
in front of your eyes,
fuck the lies,
I'm actually on my grind
hope in my bones,
allow me to roam
lord can I atone
I can't do this alone
been sitting at home
words raining off the dome
2 am on my phone
unsure of the tone
will they like it, am I excited
has anybody tried this
I think I'll try it

lens got me 20/20
still don't got no money money
it really all okay
You see it this way
stay on you craft, don't forget to laugh
the pictures are getting known
you gotta claim what you own
while your out here alone
don't be afraid of different
even though we all different
it's now your turn to build shit
don't let their pettiness
tear down your fortress
you're on the road to success
like nigga you own it
say again, stress be important
focused in moments
life is looking up, no time for trusting luck
time to give no fucks
disrupt and run amok
you got the vision
no need for more revision
all split decision
all split decision
all split decision
all split decision
Track Name: v. dissonance
these two things don't go together
hard soil and soggy weather
unhook the chain, no more tether
almost as heavy as a feather
experience at the entry level
all I say is logical, all I talk is radical
I feel numb, but that sounds dumb
I fucked up on the water slide
I stood up instead of lying
end of the week no more trying
sorry for I did but no more crying
my life is going excellent, freedom from the game
do it for the attention, never for the fame

these two things don't go together
locked at home
these two things don't go together
eternal roam

feeling lonely at the top, how long until drop
got people around,
but they out of town
I can't tell you shit, except the for secret
posted stuff around but cannot peep yet
I don't understand
what you're saying
because I keep on
going and complaining
running got me shoegaze
music got me missing days
we got lost often
forgot what hours meant
locked in my room losing it
slow dive on the way home
keeping me on edge
I don't really use chrome
feeling over the hedge
making money no ways
running got me shoegaze
music got me missing days
we got lost often
forgot what hours meant
locked in my room losing it
Track Name: vi. the party
coming thru tonight
like there's no tomorrow
came with a group but
left for the hoops
white kids screaming the n word
loners in the corner looking disturbed
moving bodies out the way til my wrist hurt
scanning the room looking to flirt
soberness is for the weak
no time to critique
gotta get comfortable with my physique
group had the drink, time to meet
drinking like this shit was holy
atheist tonight don't care what you told me
somethings telling me I'm not lonely
someone's getting close trying to hold me
freeze up, dunno what to do
stuck uncomfortable, like some glue
only at the party
politics aren't the move
only because we are trying to all groove
staying still is big deal
so I'm swaying like a tide
with a girl on my side
asked why I'm so lonely
she said look at your hide
got an epiphany
drunk at a party
no recollection of night
take some Advil I just might
feeling worst then before
still looking for more
not sure where group went
and this girl is ducking bent
she said not to worry
her vision wasn't blurry
only at the party
where losing your phone
is like a dog without a bone
this girl is this group is a terrier
will the group find you
drunk and throwing up
somebody should carry her
she doesn't know where she left
talking like someone should bring her
sobered up but still can't help
no recollection of most of the night
take some Advil I just might
feeling worst then before
but looking to next weekend
for more

only at the party
no one can judge me
only at the party
no one can love me
only at the party
no one can control me
only at the party
no one can find me
Track Name: vii. options
pick and chose
you still lose
false items that are
in your view
you gotta drop too
they got nothing to prove

my options are too clear to me
i figured out who I want to be
if the devil walks beside me
ill be smiling with glee
this process isn't new
right before high school
i fell in the pool
and wasn't removed
i wasn't cool
nothing to choose
options were limited
potential was inhibited
when I made the choice
I went the other way, embracing the gray
into the fucking fray
momma making curry again
lemme try something else
hold on to it till it melts
no longer inside sheeps pelt

hard to swallow, no more follow
I can't believe it, I don't believe it
so many options with no one around
easier decision making when everyone is down

these things will never leave
with force that can be achieved
process your nature
meet your maker
they are probably kind

never wasting my time
always on my mind
what to choose what to lose
finding truths lying proof

I know you cause I know myself
money won't determine wealth
only options helping health
the latest only to melt
Track Name: viii. at the end of the hallway
at the end of the hallway
where the people stare all day
the devil is on a holiday
it's not entirely free to stay

today was backward, so was yesterday
kids went to work, adults went to play
friends became foes, God stole my woes
bros, average joes, crows eating low
rose colored glasses, too familiar passes
nothing is wrong and something is right
date to sin, you better put up a fight
I came out unscathed, no road is unpaved

the self is what I crave, the mirror is fav
do what I say and you'll go a long way
lie on your face you're not a disgrace
everybody's a body, surely slowly always dying
no one has a car to go far anymore
next year however asking for another tour
they controlled a while ago, behind the ego
will do everything by themselves behind a tow

revenge fantasy thriller, do it out of spite
another year later texting, yo homie are we tight
sometimes the things you needed most, will crumble at the sight
ice cream melts under pressure and I eat it for pleasure
finish your dinner and you get desert
wait your turn, don't go ahead and learn
stress is a test the strengthens the best
kills the rest leaves a mess without a quest
Track Name: ix. what now
sneak out the back door walking like a mouse
start my own shit, build it real quick
play no nonsense, make a white fence
don't tell no body, isolation godly
as in holy, what in store for me
I ain't got the answers, working till my hands hurt
planting the seeds into the fucking dirt

they say you should learn, but I rather teach myself,
lock myself in a room and gain the mindly wealth
still don't know how to choose, guessing game is how you move
fight against yourself you'll always lose
nothing to win nothing to prove
navigate through blind
probably takes time
i still don't know how to fly
don't get me confused with that lie
don't get me confused with that lie
don't get me confused with that lie

not learning yet
but I ain't free
not flying yet
last year was a dream
what the fuck happened
nigga I'm the captain
down with this shit
but I mean ship,
shooting from the hip
what is right or wrong
got me lost in song
evil way too long
truth can't die, who am i
the kids are coming around
pleading what now

what now
know how